That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
