She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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