Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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