When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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