As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
