Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones

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(612): View more from Minnesota

we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it

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(905): View more from Ontario

No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard

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(303): View more from Colorado

My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?

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