Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Shame - the story of my life.
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