yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
