the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
