took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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