haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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