This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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