Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
