After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
