Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
