You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
