would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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