Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
