Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
