? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
