You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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