I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
