Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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