One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
