Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
