I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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