I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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