As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
