Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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