we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
