I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
