I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
