i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
