I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
