My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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