bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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