we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
