Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
