I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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