I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
