i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
