her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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