i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
that may or may not have been my penis.
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