I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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