Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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