my phone needs a breathalizer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
