Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
