Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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