The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
