like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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