my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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