he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
