I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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