New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
