I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
