Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
