oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
