If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish my penis had a tongue
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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