Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
