i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You may now shotgun with the bride
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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