I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize