I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Houston, we have a blender
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
