She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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