Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize