And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
