dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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