bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
