Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
