Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
