Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
