Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
