She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
how drunk are you?
Several
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
