Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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