by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
