so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
