I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
