their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
