I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My balls are so social today.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
