...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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