The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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