I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
