I wish I only lived at night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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