If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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