O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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